Hello.
And now, a short piece about life as a Grunt at Booth and Noble.
Your players:
- Me (the Grunt)
- Lady (the customer)
The setting:
- The music department at Booth and Noble at 2 pm.
[Lady walks into the department, anger flashing in her eyes and a bag swinging by her side. Glancing left and right, she spies Me and gallops over to the poor Grunt.]
Lady: ExCUSE me? Do you WORK here?
Me: [Me looks down at Me's nametag, at the PDA in his hand, and at the stack of CDs he is holding.] Yes, I do work here.
Lady: I need to complain.
Me: I need to sit down, but I don't see a chair emerging from my ass.
Lady: [Ignoring the obviously fake comment that Me did not actually say, because if Me said that, Me would be fired and on the street] I wish to complain about the CD I purchased.
[Lady holds up a copy of The Travelling Wilburys special deluxe album. Me knows exactly what is going to transpire, and is extremely happy to be in the know for once.]
Lady: The second CD won't play.
Me: [Fake looking concerned. Me wants to play this for all its worth.] Oh no! Tell me what happened.
Lady: I took it home and tried it in my CD player. Nothing. I came back and replaced it. It still wouldn't play! I got a THIRD one. And it wouldn't play either! [Lady is so mad, she slams her fist down on the counter. If there was a clown under there, that clown would be dead.]
Me: Did you think it was your CD player, maybe? [Me smiles inwardly. It's coming...it's coming..]
Lady: Of course! It plays all the other CDs just fine! [Lady gestures to the two other CDs in the 3 CD set.]
Me: May I see the CD?
[Lady hands Me the CD. Me looks it over, touches it, and pets it. He closes his eyes and sighs. His hands rub the CD case briskly, like he was wisking a delicious souffle. Suddenly, he opens his eyes.]
Me: The second CD is a DVD.
[Lady stands, mouth agape, eyes wide in shock.]
Lady: Oh...ah...um...
[Lady turns abruptly and leaves. Me goes back to scanning CDs.]
Fin
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4 comments:
There are few things in life that are as sweet as bringing down someone a peg when they so clearly deserve it.
Having worked customer service for years, I can perfectly understand the satisfaction in this story. In fact, when it was happening, I think I could actually hear your boner from way up here in Michigan. Man, you have one loud crotch!
Thought this might amuse you: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/011316.html
Awesome. I love the idea that you warmed to the customer as you knew, before she finished describing the problem, what the problem was.
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