Hello.
First of all, apologies. When I stepped away from Booth and Noble on Dec 31, 2007, I expected an absence of only a few short days. Instead, I found myself drifting in and out of various experiences, surfacing only a few short hours a day. These surfaces, few and far between, were not spent blogging, but spent doing other things. I found that the further away from the blog I got, the harder it was to re-appear, and the more lame I felt. It was a self-defeating cycle of poverty.
But here I am. Back again. Renewed, refreshed, and reworn.
My absence has been for a few reasons, but one of the main ones is because there has been a post-holiday dearth of people at Booth and Noble. This is to be expected, for the majority of holiday shoppers are those few people that emerge, once a year, to feast their beady eyes on what they "intellectually" know are called books, but aren't quite sure what they look like any more.
This crowd is the bane of Booth and Noble, but it is the bread and butter of Booth and Noble.
It is also the creme of the Booth and Noble blog.
Therefore, when that creme runs dry, what we are left with is a pitiful few "regulars" who, while annoying in their own way, are nothing compared to what we Grunts refer to as the "Unwashed masses...of body"
One such unwashed mass came up to me the other day at Booth and Noble, however, and asked me a question. Such is their want.
She says, in a voice like a cross between a pig's oink and the squeal of a cat getting drained of blood, "Do you have...medical...dictionary...and other...dictionary?"
I look at her oddly, because I'm concerned that she might be attracting daemons with her croaked voice.
"Yes, we have both, if you'd like to follow me." I walk her to the medical books, and hand her a medical dictionary. "This should solve all your medical needs," I say cheerfully as we head to the "other" dictionaries.
When we get there, I ask "what sort of dictionary are you looking for?"
"One that...I can use...and so...can my son...who is four."
I stare blankly at her, not knowing whether to recommend the Oxford or the Oxford. I finally decide to offer this: an all-in-one.
"Why...would I...get this?" she scabs.
"Well, you could use the dictionary to look up words, and it also comes with a Thesaurus."
She looks at me like I just peed on her leg. "What...is a thesaurus?"
I stare at her. Long, hard looks - puzzling out if she was for real, or if I was on camera.
"A...thesaurus," I start, and then continue when I notice she isn't laughing, "is a book of synonyms.
Those of you who know, will know.
"What...is a synonym?" she asks.
"A synonym is a word that means the same thing as another word."
"That's stupid," she says.
"..and it's idiotic," I finish.
Finally, the kicker:
"Will...I need...a thesaurus...in school?" she asks. "I'm studying...to be a nurse..."
Now, I ask you dear reader, what is a synonym for "scared to go to the nurse?"
She ended up buying the thesaurus, so maybe she can tell us.
Regardless, I am going to make it a goal to write one of these a week from now on. The fine folks at Alterati.com have kindly encouraged me to continue, and to be honest I have been feeling the loss of Booth and Noble quite strongly. However, I think I would like to also start a new feature, while we're here:
It has become apparent to me that I possess a superpower. I'm not sure I belong on Heroes , mainly because I'm not lame, but my superpower is pretty cool.
Once a week, no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing...I get asked for directions. I might be walking the dog, listening to my generic mp3 player, hanging out with friends, shooting crack on the sidewalk - someone will ask me directions to somewhere. I can virtually guarantee it if I'm on vacation - someone will ask.
So, I will record these. It is time the world knew of my power!*
*Note: power does not equate to actually knowing where to direct people. Only that I will be asked. If I do not like the looks of you, or if you are wearing a shirt that has a "I'm-so-cute-I-was-purchased-online" phrase on it, I will direct you incorrectly.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
All hail the return of Booth and Noble. The smartass customer service! The hilarious links to weird shit!
With regard to your activities that yield direction-asking, does one really "shoot" crack?
Thank god for RSS feeds.
Hmm...if anyone could find a way to "shoot" crack, it would be the people of my fair city...
YAY! A post! Glad to see you again!
There exists a study that was conducted in Poland (this is not the set up to a joke). They wanted to see if people would be more helpful to the next person they meet after they try, but fail, to give someone directions. So they would pick a target and then walk up to them and ask for directions to a street that did not exist. After the person (embarrassingly) failed to help they were then approached a half a block later by someone else in need of help.
But here's the interesting part: Despite the street not existing, around 5% gave directions every time they ran the study.
Yes, those 5% were probably just responding to the testers, who were wearing stupid "I-just-bought-you-on-the-Internet" tee-shirts.
hooray! even when i have heard the stories in person before they are posted, i like the posts. mostly because of the random pictures. although the creme photo? absurd. and unnecessary. and, might i add, rather brilliant.
Post a Comment