Welcome!

Hello.

I have decided to move this blog off of MySpace and onto Blogger. I am not sure why I am doing this, but for some reason it feels good.

Perhaps I'll get fired.

To those new to this blog, let me explain:

I work at a book store. To hide its identity, let's call it Booth and Noble.

I am what is perhaps best known as a "Book Grunt." Our motto is "uuuuuuhhh?... ::Sigh:: .....huuuuuh."

Because I work part-time (I am a full time student elsewhere), I have been a "Book Grunt"
for full on three years (I had my three year anniversary this month. No one noticed.)

There are five main "areas" at Booth and Noble that I am qualified to work. Let's now go over each of them to give a little more background:

1) Bookfloor. The most obvious. These are the Grunts that you, as customers, probably interact with most of the time. We, as Grunts, stand behind the counter, waiting for you to come up and ask your questions. Usually the questions are stupid and we laugh at you when you leave. For example, yesterday a customer came up to me while I was working at the Info desk and asked "Where in Fiction is Danielle Steel?" I was gobstopped. Where -- IN FICTION -- is Danielle Steel? It's hard to explain, for the thousandth time, that fiction is arranged alphabetically to people that somehow have managed to survive and -- even worse -- procreate. That means they've increaesed the population with morons who --let's assume they don't know fiction is arranaged alphabetically -- CAN'T SCAN SIX BOOKCASES for DANIELLE STEEL -- one of the most prolific authors at Booth and Noble. Yes, this what most Grunts deal with day in and day out. uuuuuuhhh?... ::Sigh:: .....huuuuuh."

2) Music. I am here most often, at least for the moment, either because I have an expansive knowledge of movies (movies are kept with music not because they're similar forms of mass media, but because they're equally overpriced and need a "special section"), or because they want to keep me away from the customers, most of whom I treat with scorn or derision. Music is its own world, where magic fairies fly around and create happiness for people -- and are they ruthlessly crushed by the giant foot of Corporate America. There is a special breed of customers reserved for Music -- those too idiotic to read. Nothing pains me more than to "help" a customer find "Yanni," which I have to do on a weekly basis. Needless to say, we have abotu 30 Yanni CDs, and invariably I am asked "which is your favorite?" I usually cock an eyebrow and say, "well, I find Yanni's music too active and distracting for me. I prefer a softer sound. Have you tried "silence" by the "unharmonies? uuuuuuhhh?... ::Sigh:: .....huuuuuh."

3) Cafe. Although I am not here very often, I have a feeling that's going to change. This Saturday, for instance, I will be working in Cafe. Here people go to buy cakes and coffees, and often, to sit for hours and hours and read magazines that they then put back on the shelf. I have no problem with people not buying the magazines -- Hell, if we're going to let them read them in the cafe, then sure, take advantage of that. But what I have a problem with is when I find Playboys, Penthouses, Hustlers, Maxims, FHM's, et. al, in the men's room at the end of the night. Can you believe this shit? (Literally?) How would you feel about the following situation?: you walk into the bathroom after an 8 hour shift and feel the need to use the toilet. You sit down and look around you -- one wall says something about cocks and mothers, the other says something extremely witty about bosoms -- and sitting there on the toilet paper roll is a gentleman's magazine! And it's thumbed through! And...it's...kinda stuck together...and....you suddenly realize you have to bring it back to the back room. "uuuuuuhhh?... ::Sigh:: .....huuuuuh." (Just then, you look down and see a copy of "Sexual Massage" and decide that the Human Race is going to breed itself out of existance.)

4) Receiving. Here is the "back room," where the heart of the store pumps its magical brew into the rest of the departments. The books are delivered in giant, 40 pound boxes back here. These boxes are then opened, the contents scanned and shelved on carts. These carts are taken out to the book floor the following morning to be shelved on the real shelves out there, where most of them will sit until the day Booth and Noble closes or burns to the ground, except for Oprah's book club books, which will be bestsellers and go home to customers who will not read them, but proudly display them proclaiming to all the world that "Uh, I may have gotten my M.R.S. Degree, but at least I watch enough Television to know which books are going to be bestsellers" and they TOTALLY don't understand the inherent failure of logic in that thought -- while at the same time, we Grunts deride the Oprah books while each secretly reading them, hoping against hope that some day -- SOME DAY -- Oprah will pick a book that WE like. So that's receiving. When I work here, I usually don't have stories because I don't have to deal with customers. But I do usually have to move boxes for hours, which believe me is much less fun than it sounds.

5) Children's Department -- I rarely work in the children's department. In fact, I make it a goal of mine not even to enter the children's department. The thought of trying to find one 6 page book in the onslaught of hundreds of thousands of 6 page books make me want to vomit all over the nearest child. Plus, children run around, no one bothers to put books away (parents are so sick of putting their children's stuff away at home that they don't bother to put their stuff away at Booth and Noble, and in fact will leave extra stuff out for us to put away because THEY'RE EVIL). Children are loud and full of snot, which they leave on things that we have to touch. I was there when a kid peed in the corner of the department. I try and stay away.

So that's Booth and Noble. I try and post something after every shift I have. Occasionally, I will post here stories from my previous blog (http://blog.myspace.com/pbooth) to make up some time. Feel free to share similar stories here as well.

If I have one goal in my life, it's to jump into a vat of jello. If I have two goals, however, the second would be to have more intelligent customers come into Booth and Noble. No, not "smart" customers, but more intelligent. Customers who understand the process of buying books, music or movies. Who understand what "alphabetical" means (and might even be able to quote most of the alphabet). Who don't pee in the corners of the store.

I am a Grunt. It is my job, and I am proud of it. uuuuuuhhh?... ::Sigh:: .....huuuuuh.